I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
