put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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