He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
