walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
