I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
