Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
