is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
