i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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