I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
