I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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