I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
