the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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