I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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