My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
