god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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