He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
