can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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