you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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