he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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