So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
