How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
