Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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