the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
