Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
