Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
