I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
