It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
