Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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