the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
