Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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