STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
