life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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