Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
