You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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