I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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