dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
