Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
