I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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