Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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