you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
