Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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