i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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