I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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