she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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