Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize