Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
