So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize