You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
