Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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