I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
