She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
