so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
