I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
