Plan B is the new Plan A
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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