Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
