my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
