the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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