btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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