um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
