just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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