I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
