Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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