Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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