Im at strip club and am horny
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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