I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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