This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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