Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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